Are you ready to experience a journey of courage, strength, and resilience? Join me, Mariah Montgomery, as we welcome to our Maybe Baby Diaries podcast, the inspiring Katie Robinson. A registered nurse, certified childbirth educator, and prenatal nutrition expert, Katie will guide us along her personal path to family building. Despite her heartbreaking miscarriages, Katie's story is a testament to the human spirit and its capacity for healing.
Katie's experience goes beyond just personal trials; she will also enlighten us about the vital role nutrition plays in healing, particularly in the aftermath of a miscarriage. Join us as we delve into the importance of nutrition and how it can make all of the difference. Using food and nutrition as a form of healing after loss is such an important topic, and Katie's knowledge and wisdom on the subject is so important and so, so needed.
In this conversation, Katie bravely shares her challenges with pregnancy loss, the emotional whirlwind that follows, and the importance of processing grief. Katie's story shines a light on the often-unspoken struggles of pregnancy loss and the grief that follows. Together, we hope to foster understanding and send a message of support to those on a similar journey.
Join Katie and I next week as we chat all about nutrition needs during Infertility struggles, and how to best support a journey while trying to conceive through nutrition.
To connect with Katie and to find out more about her mission, she can be reached at any of the following -
Social: @katieschildbirthed
Email: katieschildbirthed@gmail.com
Website: https://katieschildbirthed.my.canva.site/
Are you ready to experience a journey of courage, strength, and resilience? Join me, Mariah Montgomery, as we welcome to our Maybe Baby Diaries podcast, the inspiring Katie Robinson. A registered nurse, certified childbirth educator, and prenatal nutrition expert, Katie will guide us along her personal path to family building. Despite her heartbreaking miscarriages, Katie's story is a testament to the human spirit and its capacity for healing.
Katie's experience goes beyond just personal trials; she will also enlighten us about the vital role nutrition plays in healing, particularly in the aftermath of a miscarriage. Join us as we delve into the importance of nutrition and how it can make all of the difference. Using food and nutrition as a form of healing after loss is such an important topic, and Katie's knowledge and wisdom on the subject is so important and so, so needed.
In this conversation, Katie bravely shares her challenges with pregnancy loss, the emotional whirlwind that follows, and the importance of processing grief. Katie's story shines a light on the often-unspoken struggles of pregnancy loss and the grief that follows. Together, we hope to foster understanding and send a message of support to those on a similar journey.
Join Katie and I next week as we chat all about nutrition needs during Infertility struggles, and how to best support a journey while trying to conceive through nutrition.
To connect with Katie and to find out more about her mission, she can be reached at any of the following -
Social: @katieschildbirthed
Email: katieschildbirthed@gmail.com
Website: https://katieschildbirthed.my.canva.site/
Welcome to the Maybe Baby Diaries podcast. I'm your host, Mariah Montgomery. Here we'll discuss all things in fertility, like heartbreak, joy, growth, loss and the wild, crazy journey that it is. Let's bring awareness, education and understanding to the table, Can you?
Speaker 2:hear me, okay, together we've got this.
Speaker 1:Okay, perfect. Hello, katie, and welcome to the podcast. Thank you, thanks for having me. Thank you for being here. Can you tell us a little bit about yourself and what you do?
Speaker 2:Yes, my name is Katie Robinson. I am a registered nurse. I worked labor and delivery and postpartum for six plus years and then pivoted into working in an outpatient setting. so working in a doctor's office as like the phone triage nurse, so a large OBGYN office I do that. Then, in that process, i got interested in teaching. I got certified to become a childbirth educator.
Speaker 2:It turns out I'm just one of those constant learners and realized that there is some room for improvement in our nutrition care for women's health in general, but especially like perinatal. I am wrapping up my certification now in a professional prenatal nutrition expert program. I'm very excited to start sharing more about how powerful food can be in our journeys in becoming pregnant or healing from a miscarriage or during pregnancy, the fourth trimester, all of those things. It can be really empowering too. I have many hats but I do all of those things. I don't work in the hospital anymore but I still work in the office and I teach classes throughout my community and I plan on teaching, incorporating some nutrition in my teaching and then possibly doing some nutrition coaching for birthing people.
Speaker 1:You are busy. Yeah, you have a lot going on.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, but I love it and that's why I do it. I'm passionate about it.
Speaker 1:I love it. Tell me about what your family building process looked like.
Speaker 2:Okay, i am about to turn 35. This is about like 10 plus years ago when I started wanting to have kids with my partner and we got married. Okay, let's have a baby. I was young, i was like 24 and I thought people get pregnant on accident all the time.
Speaker 2:This is going to be I want a baby, so that means I'm going to have a baby. We did. But it took a while for us to get pregnant initially. I think it was like six to eight months of trying before we got pregnant. Then I had a miscarriage around seven or eight weeks with that pregnancy. There was that and then we tried again and then I had another early miscarriage and then tried again, and then that one. I went to full term with my son Wyatt, when his 10th birthday is actually today. Happy birthday, Yes, Yes, It's so special My rainbow baby.
Speaker 2:Then, after a couple of years, we were like, okay, let's have another, We want to have two. It didn't take as long to get pregnant that time but I got pregnant. Everything was going great. I was even. I think my appointment was like my nine week ultrasound and everything had been going fine. That one really sticks out my brain because they were doing the ultrasound and they said, oh, there's two, There was twins. And I started like panicking because that was never something I thought I would want or could do or anything. I'm like freaking out. Then it's like really quiet for a couple minutes and then they go but there's no, there aren't any heartbeats. Then they were like, okay, let's see, Maybe your dates are off, which can totally happen. I didn't think that was the case for me, but it's possible. Then they had me come back in a week or so. There were still no heartbeats With that one because I was like 10-ish weeks.
Speaker 2:I had a DNC with that miscarriage and then got pregnant again a couple of cycles later. That's my youngest Carter now, but I did have placenta previa with him where the placenta is very close to each other. It covers the cervix, Bleeding episodes and C-section. He was born a little early. It turns out that with uterine surgeries that increases the likelihood of placenta. Previous It was such close proximity to each other that I always wonder if that was why is having that DNC. But who knows right? We never know for sure. He's healthy, He's fine, He's about, he's going to turn eight next month. It was not like this, just perfectly smooth path. I wouldn't qualify as infertility, but it was a bumpy road along the way Definitely influenced our decision not to have more. We were like this is too stressful and anxious and scary. I just didn't want to put myself and my body through that anymore. I had to. I was happy to be done after that?
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's very understandable.
Speaker 2:Yeah, another, looking back, if I had been going through that now and where I am in my life now, i think it would have been very different. But I was mid-20s and just I can't speak to everyone, i'm just talking about myself. At that time in my life I wasn't as confident or, you know, i didn't have those coping skills that I've developed over the years, and so it was just very, very stressful for me and very hard for me to talk to my family and my feelings would get hurt like very easily. You know, i it was just kind of a mess, but yeah, but we did, but we did get through it, yeah.
Speaker 1:It's so hard. I've just had one miscarriage and I. It's been three years and I still am so sad about it sometimes if I think about it too long, or if I think about you know, like maybe it would be three and yeah, it's hard.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I, and through that whole process I worked in the hospital, i was a nurse and I guess after so after why it was born is when I started working labor and delivery. So you know, having a miscarriage and then going to work to take care of people, you know, having babies and also working with all women who were in that same stage of life and having their own babies. It was challenging and there I remember, like, like certain, like finding out I was pregnant at the same time as a coworker, and then mine ending in a miscarriage and then hers not, and then every time they talked about their kid at work, i would always it was like just a reminder, you know, like every time, like that was that would be my, my kid, that would be my kid's age, you know, so it was. It was very layered and many, many feelings and my family was very like, they're very loving and supportive, but like no one close to me had been through a miscarriage.
Speaker 2:And so you know all those things of like things, not to say to someone they're going through this, something like this. Yeah, they, they said those things, you know, in a good, coming from a good place, but they just, you know, they weren't exposed to it and they didn't grow up with social media, and you know what I mean. They women didn't talk about it, so they didn't know what to say, and so then they would put their foot in their mouth and Yeah, you know how it goes.
Speaker 1:Oh, i really do, and I feel like everybody listening knows exactly how that goes.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah it's. It's hard because you're like it's maybe it's your mom or your aunt or whoever, and it's like you know they love you. It's not that they're, you know, trying to be cruel or mean they literally just don't know what to say you know, and so it's just kind of unfortunate, and so I would always, but at the time it was hurtful to me.
Speaker 2:But now, looking back, i can reflect on that and realize, you know, like they were just trying their hardest to you know, and trying to help me, and just didn't know how It's a really good attitude to have about it.
Speaker 1:There's some comments that were said to me after my miscarriage that I still will like think about sometimes and I still have so upset about them.
Speaker 2:And it's been a long time. I mean it doesn't. It doesn't change the fact that it still hurts. You know it's okay to to to feel like that was, that was messed up, you know. But yeah, it's been years, you know, for me to be able to and I've had conversations now with my family about about that and kind of I mean kind of educated them, you know good, I love that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I feel like we almost have a responsibility sometimes to you know. Show them the other side of what it looks like when somebody says something that can be hurtful and right and then fun responsibility, but no.
Speaker 2:It really came up more when my brothers because I have two brothers and they they're younger than me and they got married. And then it's like, of course, as soon as they start getting married, people start asking them you know, when are you having a baby? when? how much longer? all these things? And I was, i had to kind of shut that down a little bit because there was the turns out, there was some infertility stuff going on And I mean, how hard is, how hard is that? you know so, and I just, my family just has never experienced anything like that before. So Yeah, i had a couple of frank conversations with some family members.
Speaker 1:That's good. So I know that now you are moving into this like nutrition space and you're trying to help people do all of the things nutritionally and I think that that is so important and so needed. So can we touch a little bit on what it looks like with you supporting somebody through miscarriages I hope I'm learning this correctly Like nutritionally, like what that would look like.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's just something that not is that really isn't addressed very often, especially with me working in like an office setting and I talk to people almost every day that are experiencing a miscarriage, and before taking this class, i never really mentioned food. You know I would go over what to expect and, and you know, offer emotional support and things like that, but didn't really touch on this. So for miscarriages, i'm hoping to implement it more in my, like my, day job.
Speaker 2:you know, but also sharing information online and trying to spread the word a little bit. I don't know if it will be offered so much as like coaching, you know, or maybe like maybe a freebie or you know an offering that people can can download to learn more about it. But this is information I didn't know. No one talked to me about when I was going through it. It just you know, especially if it's an early miscarriage, it's just kind of like, oh, you know your body will do what it needs to do, and then you kind of bounce back, you know, eventually, so, but food can can help with that process. So I'd like to spread the word a little bit about that. Yeah, so I would say first thing is, like you know, when we've touched on it, this is super hard for many people and like very emotional. It's not just something physically going on in your body, it's also your emotionally healing as well, and food and emotions are very connected, right, i mean, you hear a lot about how people say, oh, you shouldn't, like you know when you shouldn't eat your feelings and stuff like that. But the reality is that we do, you know, like there are certain foods that bring us comfort And that's okay, there's nothing wrong with that. There's okay if, like, tacos make you happy. So it's like it's just, it's a good thing too, and you can use food in that way. So try not to like have any really strict rules about food.
Speaker 2:When you are recovering from a miscarriage, and if a certain food is very comforting to you, like you really are craving your, your mom's, you know German chocolate cake or you know whatever it is that that brings you that comfort, and this could be cultural too, right. So if there's a certain stew or soup or something that your mom would always make you when you were sick or not feeling good, those kind of foods can be really helpful in this time emotionally. So that would be the first thing. And then not having any rules about it, like if it's like not a healthy food I'm doing air quotes now, but that's okay, you know it's just, it's just giving yourself grace and and you know, enjoy a little bit of enjoyment. Another thing would be when you're healing from a miscarriage. You know a lot of the priorities in our body are are in the healing process and and then also replenishing blood that you lost And then a return of hormones back to preconception level, right. And so there's a lot of different things happening in your body And sometimes digestion is not a priority for your body.
Speaker 2:So your digestive system oftentimes slows down when you are, you know, after having a baby or after having a miscarriage. So trying to eat foods that would be easier on your digestive system, things that are warm, cooked, broth based, those things can be really helpful. Raw, like eating a, like a veggie tray, you know, raw vegetables, that's just more work for your digestive system to to digest it. Yeah versus Yeah, because the cooking process is like starting the digestive process, so it just is like making it more efficient for your body And then imagining, like our foods versus water, these soft, warm foods going through your intestines like it makes sense. So warm and soft would be a little bit easier on your body Because we really don't want to add in, like any constipation, any added pain to what you're already experiencing, right, yeah. And then another thing would be trying to focus more on light meals. That kind of goes with the digestion. Things that are like super greasy, super fatty or just really big portions is harder on your digestive system. So trying to just eat smaller quantities and you might intuitively be doing this. You might not have a big appetite during this, and that it makes sense that it's like your body's way of trying to protect itself.
Speaker 2:And then there's a few nutrients that are important too. So I mentioned blood loss, and your body needs to replenish whatever blood you lost, because maybe you only bled for a few days, but some people bleed for weeks, and it also depends on how far along were you when it happened. So there's going to be a spectrum, but regardless, you lost blood, and probably more blood than you would have on a regular period. So then we need to. Your body is working to replenish the blood that you lost, and so foods that are going to help with that are iron rich foods. So those are things like animal proteins, especially liver and organ meats, are our highest level of iron. That's going to be, you know, some people are like that's a no go, but some people are all about it. You know, and many cultures throughout the world eat these foods every day. But if it's not typical in your diet like for me, it's not Some tricks would be like getting liver or organ meats ground up like ground beef and then mixing it with some ground beef and then cooking it.
Speaker 2:So then it's like a percentage and it's just mixed and you're not going to notice a big change in the flavor, and then you can use that meat, that ground meat, like you would, you know, for meatballs or tacos or however you would cook with it. So you know, there's some some little ways you can mix in some organ meats and then oats, beans, lentils, spinach, brown rice, dried fruit, things like that are all really good sources of iron, and then B12 kind of goes along with that vitamin B12 and with blood loss replenishment And that you're. We're going to see that in our animal protein. So, like meat, but also eggs, dairy fish it's mostly animal sourced, so this can be a little bit harder for those that are vegan or vegetarian, but we also get vitamin B12 from fortified foods like cereals and grains and breads. So, yeah, those two would be helpful for that, so we don't end up with anemia which is going to lead to like fit and brain fog and possibly dizziness. So, yeah, And then also, your uterus needs to heal where that pregnancy was implanted, and so some vitamin C is really helpful for the healing process, any wound healing, and so adding color to your meals with, you know, strawberries or citrus or bell peppers also looks good, citrus or bell peppers, also like broccoli, tomatoes and cruciferous vegetables.
Speaker 2:So you can see like, if you think about it, like the animal protein and then some vitamin C, and then maybe like a broth based soup with some of these vegetables and some some meat in it, and then it's warm and it's cooked, it's going to be easier on your digestive system And you're also going to be getting those nutrients and it's probably going to be very comforting. You know a soup and that many soups or stews are very cultural as well. So, yeah, and then there's, you know, your herbal support as well. Like, raspberry leaf tea is great for uterine efficiency, so it could help with the process of, you know, passing the pregnancy and then the efficiency of the bleeding after. So trying to work in some some red raspberry leaf tea, you know you can do it iced or hot, and then lavender and chamomile can be great for reducing stress and can be very soothing. Yeah, so those are the main suggestions I have when it comes to nutrition. I love that. That's a lot.
Speaker 1:It is a lot, but it's really really good information, so I'm sure water is a huge part of it too. How much are you recommending people are drinking if they're going through an early loss or just a loss in general? I mean that you would want to do.
Speaker 2:I usually always tell people like trying to get in two liters of fluid a day if you can, and then some of that can be from these foods that have a high water content, like your fruits and the stews and the soups and things like that, so it doesn't have to, you don't have to drink a whole two liter bottle per se, yeah, but trying to definitely focus on getting a good amount of water in and then, especially like if you're having some of these like symptomatic things going on where you are feeling dizzy, you're feeling very fatigued, maybe you had a higher you know more blood loss than what was expected, you might want to consider some electrolyte replacement as well, which is, you know, it's kind of good for everyone, but especially if you're having some of these symptoms going on, that's going to help with your cells getting hydrated from the water you're drinking.
Speaker 2:No, and there's lots of options out there. I'm not like affiliated with any of them or anything. There's lots of those electrolyte packets that you mix with water And then you could also just do like coconut water or lemon water with the pinch of salt, things like that too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, i love that I did write down a question while you were talking and I was like I have to ask you this. So what would you suggest for someone who is going through a loss, just found out they're having a loss or is, you know, like in the middle of it and food and eating and nutrition is like the last thing on their mind, like they just are in survival mode. But they need to eat. What would you suggest for them, like what would be the best thing that they could do nutritionally to support themselves?
Speaker 2:The first part you kind of broke out Sorry.
Speaker 1:No, you're fine Could you repeat that Yeah. I was just asking what can you hear me?
Speaker 2:Yes, now I can Okay.
Speaker 1:I don't know. I think we might be having some kind of a connection. Oh man, okay, my internet is good over on my side. How is yours?
Speaker 2:It says it's the full amount.
Speaker 1:Okay, you're not cutting out like you were just a minute ago, so maybe it was just a little blurb.
Speaker 1:I don't know. Yeah, but I can re-ask the question. I'll just have my husband edit this part out, okay, okay. What would you suggest for someone that is in the middle of a loss or is going to like just stoned out that they're going to be going through a loss and nutrition is like the very last thing on their mind, but they still need to take care of their body? What would you suggest would be the best way for them to do that? Like bare minimum, yeah.
Speaker 2:Well, i mean, it really kind of depends on the context, right, like, if do they have a good support system? If they do, having asking them to help and provide some of these foods that I talked about, so that you don't even have to worry about it. It's just there, yeah, and you can eat it up when you need it, and these are foods that are great to cook batched and then like to transport, so you can freeze soups and stews and things like that as well. So if anybody is available to help with that, that would be amazing.
Speaker 2:Some other options would be, you know, if the partner could help with making a stew And then, just like I mentioned, doing a large amount of it and then freezing some of it. That way you can just heat it up when you are ready to eat it or, you know, or the refrigerator, depending on how long you're planning on eating it. So that would probably be the easiest way. And then, like, like we know that bone broth is so good for us when it comes to this replenishment with all of these great vitamins and collagen, and it's also warm, and you can make your own bone broth, but you can also. There are some good options out there to buy it, and so that's something that's really easy. You can purchase, and then you just literally have to warm it up and you can use that as your base of any of any soup or stew.
Speaker 2:And then there are like depending on budget, things like that. There are services out there like meal services. So if there's somebody in your community that provides like meals for those who recently gave birth, a lot of these are equal to what you would what would be recommended for the fourth trimester or for postpartum. So you could potentially like reach out to them and be like, hey, i'm going through a loss, but I know these foods would be really helpful for me too, and purchase some options that can just be delivered. That's a good idea.
Speaker 1:Does that make sense? Yeah, answer your question. Yeah, no, i think that's great, so I don't know how different this would be, but I would love to hear about what you would suggest for somebody that had a failed fertility cycle, whether that be through like IUI or IVF. I mean, when you're doing those, there's so many hormones that you're putting into your body And I mean I think our bodies need to find a way to regulate after that.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:What would you suggest? just the same things, or I mean, it's so different because, it's very hormonally based.
Speaker 2:Right, yeah, and anything hormone based. keeping the blood sugar nice and stable is very helpful, because when we've got very irregular blood sugars, big spikes and large drops, that wreaks havoc on all of our hormones, including our sex hormones. So trying to eat foods that are blood sugar balancing could be helpful for that as well. And then I'd say anything for like for egg health, but I'd have to, honestly, i'd have to look into my notes and make sure I'm saying that correctly.
Speaker 1:Yeah you're okay.
Speaker 2:I know the blood sugar part, but I don't want to speak out of speaking correctly about it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you're just.
Speaker 2:But I know there are some other foods that are helpful for that.
Speaker 1:And we can touch more on that in our next recording that we're going to do and talk more about what that? would look like So that's all right. Well, yeah, no, that's perfect. Yeah, so if you had just a few pieces of advice for somebody going through a miscarriage or a loss, or finding themselves in that struggle, what would it be? I would love to hear. I think you have so many beautiful insights.
Speaker 2:Thank you. Yeah, i would say just really imagine you are someone that you really love and care for, like a family member or a friend, and how you would care for them. Going through something similar And I mean, we don't often think of ourselves in that way, right, it's just kind of like, oh, why aren't you getting over this? you know, buck up, you know sort of attitude towards ourselves at least many people, but not everyone But I would say trying to think about yourself as like a loved one or a child or someone that you really care for, and how would you care for them?
Speaker 2:And what would you tell them? going through something similar, would you say, oh, you need to just move on, or you know you'll be fine and it'll just take time, or whatever. You would say you need to rest, you need to take care of yourself, you need to give yourself praise and just really be comforting towards yourself and kind towards yourself, because this is probably one of the hardest things you will go through. And you know, obviously it'd be great if everyone is taking care of you, but we got to take care of ourselves too. And then, if there's people in your life that you can lean on, then lean on them and let them take care of you, let them bring you food, and when your boss says, oh, you don't need to go back to work until this day, then don't go back to work until that day you know like just be and heal physically And emotionally.
Speaker 2:And you'll never you'll probably never heal completely. There will always be that wound there, but hopefully over time it will be more healed, you know, and not as fresh. And so part of that is food right, Like caring for ourselves with foods that bring us nourishment and comfort and healing and replenishment towards our bodies. Yeah, that would be my, what I would? the first things off the top of my head. I could probably go on and on about it, but those are the top things.
Speaker 1:No, i think that is perfect And I think that was very, very well said, thank you.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I'm going to have my husband edit this part out, but do you feel like there's anything else that you need to share? Do you feel like you said everything that you want to about this topic? I want you to feel happy with everything you said That's important to me.
Speaker 2:I mean I got all the nutrition stuff in there that I wanted to say. I don't do you think that I talked on like myself, efficiently or clearly enough.
Speaker 1:If you would, I don't know. I would love to hear a little bit more about how you coped with all of your miscarriages Cause I feel like that's not talked about a lot. I feel like I kind of like lost over it instead of like what happened with each you know, yeah, so maybe I can ask you to tell me about those miscarriages, and then I can have my husband cut this part and then just put it back over there, and then we can move into the nutrition stuff.
Speaker 1:Yeah, i would love to talk about those. I know it can be hard, but I feel like it's important to talk about it Totally. Yeah, i agree. Okay, awesome, okay, i would love to talk a little bit more about those three losses that you had. Can we delve into that a little bit?
Speaker 2:Yes, we can. So with my first pregnancy, i remember like we had been trying for quite a while and my husband's parents were even in town and like we announced that we were pregnant to them and there was just so much joy and excitement and never even a thought that I that it wouldn't end with a baby. You know, like it was just like I'm pregnant, finally, this is great, and sharing it with my whole family and everything So. And then I started having some spotting. I think I was about almost eight weeks, so I had known I was pregnant for almost a month, basically. Yeah, and I started having some spotting and called my doctor and you know, of course they reassured me some spotting can be normal and pregnant city and just kind of keep an eye on things. And then the bleeding became, you know, now it's looking like a light period And so they had me go in and get some lab work done and you know the the repeat HCG's and it indicated that they were, they were falling and that it wasn't you know it wasn't a viable pregnancy And it appeared my body was already, you know, starting the process on its own.
Speaker 2:But I just remember like when they, when they shared that information with me. I was very emotional, i was sobbing, and my husband is God bless him And he is such an incredible man but he's not very like emotionally equipped. That's a nice way to put it.
Speaker 2:And so you didn't really know, like I think many can relate to that right, but he didn't know how, like what to say or do. Or he didn't really say anything. He just was there and hugged me and, you know, just let me cry, which is probably the best thing you could have done. And then then the you know I had heavier bleeding for a few days, strong cramping, and then just kind of interest tapered off. But the hardest part was was sharing with my family that the pregnancy, you know, that I miscarried, and then I had my husband call his parents and tell them But, and I'd like, i called my mom and I was like you can just tell, and I don't want to, i don't want to talk about it, you know, yeah, yeah, you're there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, i was. I'm sorry, I was so like glitchy and I was like maybe it'll just stop.
Speaker 2:So where, when did it start getting glitchy?
Speaker 1:um, just when You said that your mom, you told your mom, you called your mom and she was gonna call your dad.
Speaker 2:So yes, yeah dang internet.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's the worst, so I'll just keep going. But, um, yeah, so then, so that was very, very difficult and I Struggled a lot emotionally with that, like I just remember feeling very like depressed and emotional and And My work gave me a week off of work and they were very kind and sweet about it, but it was, i was, i was so struggle, struggled, yeah, and then So, then, after that, you know, i wanted to try again as soon as I could, like that was my way of Trying to focus on something else. Um, and I didn't like I was thinking about it, like I didn't Like do like any like Ceremony or you know, anything like that with that loss I did. I was going to therapy And I did talk about it in therapy To help me kind of process it.
Speaker 2:And I did write a letter to The baby in my journal, which some you know going back, like I can go back and read that today And it will still just like Bring me to tears, yeah, you know, and and it's still really Special, you know, because it it's like even just words on the paper, like it's like his. I always say his because I have boys. I mean, who knows, maybe it was a girl, but yeah um, it was his existence Like proof.
Speaker 1:You know that.
Speaker 2:I have. So I'm really glad she told me to write a letter And I ended up doing that with each loss that I had, um. And then so, yeah. So then we tried again and Got pregnant. I don't think it took very long, um.
Speaker 2:And then that one was a quite early loss. It was like I found out I was pregnant, took a pregnancy test, and then I was like Super nervous. I remember calling the doctor and saying I'm pregnant, i know I'm pregnant, and they're like, when did you take a test? and like I haven't taken a test yet, but I know I'm pregnant, like I feel pregnant, and they thought I was like I think they thought I was crazy, but I was pregnant, i, i knew it and I could feel it in my body. You know, um, and I was like, before I even got a positive pregnancy test, i wanted to get blood work because I was just so anxious about it all um. And so they said, well, wait till you get a positive pregnancy test and then we'll have you come in and get HCGs to help you with your you know Processing of this. You know there was no concerns yet or anything, um, but yeah, so I, i did that and then got the hcgs and They were rising, but not very much, but it was so early That's still, like you know, not surprising.
Speaker 2:Um, and then, like a couple days later, the pregnancy test. I took another pregnancy test and it was negative And then, like, i started bleeding like a period right away. So It was a very early loss, um, but still, pretty, there was a lot of feelings because I had just had a loss and so it just Made it seem like It almost verified. Maybe there's something like wrong with me, you know, like why I've had two miscarriages right after each other. There must be something wrong, like what's going on, um, and that just kind of escalated all of those Worries and feelings. Um, and I did, i did share it with my family. After the fact, i did, like my mom and you know my close Family women and my family, um, so yeah, so that was uh difficult as well, um, but, like the, the physical part of it was Basically not not very difficult, it was just like a period, um, but emotionally it was still very difficult.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Um, but yeah, and then I went on to have um. A little bit later I got pregnant again and I was again Super anxious and worried and scared and there was a lot of emotions going on And I was calling the doctor every day, like Breaking out you know. Oh, i felt this. Maybe I missed carrying, like you know, because they said we're not gonna do work you up for any Infertility and unless you have three or more miscarriages, um, and so I was just like super on edge about it and um, um, but with this one, what was different was that I was incredibly nauseous, um, and I puked all day, every day, and was miserable. Yeah, a viable pregnancy, um, but it was a very difficult pregnancy for me and I think because, also like because of everything I've been going through over the last like a year or whatever, i wasn't in very good shape.
Speaker 2:I was very emotionally like fraught you know, um, and hadn't been taking very good care of myself. Yeah, i don't think. And um, so I don't know if that was related to how difficult the pregnancy was. I mean, i puked multiple times a day for seven months. I mean it was terrible. And then just Still, then after that, sporadically until he was born, um, i had pubic synthesis separation, i, yeah, and then I had gestational diabetes. Oh my goodness.
Speaker 1:It was, and.
Speaker 2:I mean it was. I was just so happy, i was very excited, but it made it. It made it challenging because I felt so, so terrible, mm-hmm, um, and you know I was still happy, but then I'm like, gosh, is this what this is Like? this is just something else, you know. Um, but yeah, he was, he was born. I, it was a difficult labor as well. I pushed for over three hours But he was born and he was healthy, um, and the recovery was was okay. I mean, everything went well there And yeah, and then I was a, a mom and had my, my, uh, little one and I was very excited about that and he is. He is very special to me for this day. Yeah, um, we're, we have a special bond. Definitely, me and my oldest were very much alike, um, and then After a couple years, we decided to try to have another.
Speaker 2:I had to kind of talk my husband into it. I think he was kind of traumatized over, i bet, everything that that happened and I didn't really like I wasn't excited, honestly, about going through all of this stuff again, but I just knew I wanted more than one kid and I was willing To go through it to, to try to have more than one kid, um, and so, yeah, so then we got, we got pregnant, after a few months, i believe. And then, um, with that one, i went, i was I, i was just continuing to be pregnant, i was everything was turning out Fine, um, no bleeding, no spotting. I was like, oh gosh, those miscarriages must have been just kind of a fluke, you know, before Wyatt and um. But then we went to that first appointment, the doctor was doing the ultrasound and it was there's a.
Speaker 2:That one was so difficult for me because, um, i have a lot of like guilt associated with it, because I was so, um, scared and almost like I was like I can't have twins. I, i do not want twins. I, there's, i'm not cut out for that. I can't do it. I don't want twins, those. That was literally the first thing that I was thinking.
Speaker 2:And then, minutes later, being told There's no heartbeats. And so I was like, oh my god, did I like, wish this, like on myself, you know, like, did I manifest this, or you know what? Well, so then I felt terrible, like it's like, no, like I take it back. I, i didn't mean it, i, i, i want them, you know, um, so, so, yeah, so they had me come back for that repeat ultrasound and it was still, you know, no growth, no heartbeats, and I was, i, i was so emotional. I remember walking out of the doctor's office like I had been holding it together and, mind you, i worked with this doctor because I worked labor and delivery, so I worked with her, she was a co-worker basically and, um, i was trying to be like almost like professional about it.
Speaker 2:You know, like, oh, okay, all right, like we'll just, we'll figure it out, we'll come back in a couple days, or you know whatever and then um, yeah, and then as soon as be, literally like right, as soon as we got into the parking lot, i was like on the ground, sobbing, and my husband was just standing there like I was on my hands and knees in the parking lot, fine, and he just, he didn't, he just was there with me. You know, he was present. But I was so Upset I don't know if it was just mixed feelings, but I mean, it doesn't matter, it's hard, no matter what, right, but I was very, very upset. And then I didn't Know, my body wasn't having any signs of starting to miscarriage. I wasn't spotting, i wasn't cramping and I was, you know, by dates. I was like close to 10 weeks, but the babies only measured like I think eight weeks, yeah, just so blindsided.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm, and so I didn't. I didn't want to wait and see if it would start on its own. I was like, if it hasn't started in two weeks You know, from the date that they stopped growing To almost 10 weeks I just didn't want to like Put myself in that position, like emotionally. So I opted for a D and C And that was a very bizarre experience for me because I worked there. So going through something very vulnerable in front of people that I'm usually professional with, and then being the patient walking into an operating room, like wearing a gown and my butt is showing And I try not to cry And it's like that's the anesthesiologist I work with And there's doctor so and so that I work with And yeah And so. But I remember the anesthesiologist was so kind, like he was like petting my head as I'm like tears rolling down and like telling me to count back And he's like we're going to take care of you And like he was so, so sweet, like I just remember his face as I was going to sleep.
Speaker 2:And then I was a little bit shocked because after that, after I woke up and was in recovery and everything, it was like as soon as I woke up. They're like, okay, time for you to go. Like it was like just like, get out of here, you know. And so as soon as I woke up, and they're like giving me ice chips, and okay, you're good to go. And like they checked my bleeding, you know, checked my pad and it was minimal to moderate, i mean, it wasn't very much, yeah. But then they stand me up to go to get me dressed And there's like a puddle of blood on the floor, like I just had a huge gush of bleeding, and they're like, oh, it's fine, it's normal, and clean me up, put a pad on me and put me in the wheelchair.
Speaker 1:You're like, but this is not normal.
Speaker 2:No, I mean, and I honestly I didn't really. I mean I worked labor and delivery but I was like, is this expected after D&C? I mean, this one is further along, like oh no, and it ended up being fine. Like my bleeding was like a heavy period, but it wasn't never got to the severe level or anything And it only lasted that day. But my cramping was terrible. I felt awful, it's like with cramping. So I remember, like I remember we stopped at Carl's Jr When we're talking about nutrition today, and I wanted a breakfast sandwich from Carl's Jr.
Speaker 1:Good for you for listening to your body, though right.
Speaker 2:That's what my body wanted And so he stopped and got me that And then I went home and took some pain medicine and went to sleep with a heating pad But yeah, so all of that was was a lot to go through And I just remember in that stage of my life like anytime I was around somebody that was pregnant or just so excited that they were pregnant coworkers, things like that I remember just being so angry and like jealous and sad and just very had a hard time processing all of those emotions. But thankfully I was seen a therapist and it just it took time And I think being able where I was did have do have two sons that are healthy, and that has helped me process that And I can't imagine continuing to have losses and not getting that baby at the end. So I mean I can imagine, but it's just not the same right. So that definitely I recognize the difference of my situation to someone whose story is different, yeah, but yeah it doesn't change the fact that my story was hard as well.
Speaker 1:Oh, not even a little bit. It's all just hard, I mean loss and infertility. It's just, it's complicated and it's messy and it's difficult and there's no way of getting around that. So did you ever find out why you had three miscarriages? Did they ever do the work up for you or anything?
Speaker 2:No, they didn't, Because after each one I would get pregnant and then I didn't want anymore. So then it was just like what was the point? So, yeah, i never did find out why that was happening. But, like I mentioned, i mean now when I'm learning so much about nutrition and inflammation and oxidative stress and blood sugar and how all of those things impact our fertility and our health of our eggs and health of our urine lining and all of those things. I was not in a very healthy place physically as well, so that could have been maybe that, maybe that part that just made it just more challenging for me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, it's still so hard though.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I hate to like put blame on myself, you know, so I just like it is what it is. You know, hindsight is 2020. I just didn't, i wasn't aware of the importance.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you don't know what you don't know.
Speaker 2:Right, exactly.
Speaker 1:Take a little pause for a second, so I can get out of this part out. It's just easier if he doesn't see like a big, like long talking thing. Yeah, do you have. I think that was perfect. I really do, do you have anything else that you feel like you need to share, or any advice, or is there anything like I need to say this?
Speaker 2:I think we covered all the bases. Yeah, okay, perfect.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Should we need to do like a, like a goodbye, Yeah, Okay, so I'll, just you know, just you know no, you're good, You're totally fine.
Speaker 1:So I will just thank you, ask people where they can find you, and then I mean I'll put it in the show notes as well. So and then I'll just say bye. Is there anything else that you feel like you need to add?
Speaker 2:No, but thank you very much for having me on, which I'll stay in that too, but yeah, perfect.
Speaker 1:Yes, yeah, and then, after we stop recording, i'll chat with you for a minute and Okay, okay, thank you so so much for being here today. You are wonderful. You just are so knowledgeable And I love that you're willing to share your story and where you've been, and I everything that you've said has been so informed I can't even talk right now. Informative.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much for having me on and being kind and listening, a great listener with me being. You know sharing those vulnerable moments in my life And also you know helping to spread the word about food and normalizing just the whole theme of this podcast. I mean, it's just incredible to normalize this for more people out there, because it's something that I didn't have, you know, 10 years ago. So, yeah, i just love this sharing of knowledge that we have now with these people And I love that you have now with these kind of platforms.
Speaker 1:That's out there now. Me, too, i'm really grateful for it. I didn't have this when I was starting my fertility journey for years ago, so I love that things are changing and that we're talking about it more and that more people feel called to share. So really, thank you. Thank you so much for being here. Thanks, mariah. Yeah, where can people find you? Where can people connect?
Speaker 2:with you. Yeah, so I'm on Instagram katie's childbirth ed And then I have, you know, links to my website on there as well, But that's where I'm the most active. You can also email me at katie's childbirth ed at gmailcom. Yeah, that's my main places.
Speaker 1:Perfect. Thank you so much for being here. You're wonderful. Thanks, mariah. Yeah, all right, guys, i'll see you in next week's episode. Bye.