Can you imagine the heartache of experiencing multiple miscarriages and a stillbirth? Join me as I welcome Meradith from Somatic Motherhood to share her emotional journey through fertility challenges and pregnancy loss. In this episode, we talk about the heartbreak of loss, as well as the need to advocate for yourself through difficult times. Meradith discusses the need for support through her work in birth, bereavement, postpartum and infertility work and how healing is absolutely possible.
Together, we also explore the grief and guilt associated with infertility, the emotional and physical tolls of IVF, and the importance of letting people help. Meradith's story serves as a powerful reminder of the need for understanding, patience, and support for those going through infertility and loss. So, tune in to this inspiring episode and be moved by Meradith's strength and resilience as she navigated the complicated world of loss.
__________________________________________________
Connect with Meradith at:
www.SomaticMotherhood.com
_________________________________________________
Follow along on Instagram for podcast updates, new episodes, and more!
Instagram.com/maybebabydiariespodcast
Link to the podcast on YoutubeL: https://youtu.be/JCX4cc3JBv4
Instagram.com/themaybebabydiaries
Can you imagine the heartache of experiencing multiple miscarriages and a stillbirth? Join me as I welcome Meradith from Somatic Motherhood to share her emotional journey through fertility challenges and pregnancy loss. In this episode, we talk about the heartbreak of loss, as well as the need to advocate for yourself through difficult times. Meradith discusses the need for support through her work in birth, bereavement, postpartum and infertility work and how healing is absolutely possible.
Together, we also explore the grief and guilt associated with infertility, the emotional and physical tolls of IVF, and the importance of letting people help. Meradith's story serves as a powerful reminder of the need for understanding, patience, and support for those going through infertility and loss. So, tune in to this inspiring episode and be moved by Meradith's strength and resilience as she navigated the complicated world of loss.
__________________________________________________
Connect with Meradith at:
www.SomaticMotherhood.com
_________________________________________________
Follow along on Instagram for podcast updates, new episodes, and more!
Instagram.com/maybebabydiariespodcast
Link to the podcast on YoutubeL: https://youtu.be/JCX4cc3JBv4
Instagram.com/themaybebabydiaries
Welcome to the Maybe Baby Diaries podcast. I'm your host, Mariah Montgomery. Here we'll discuss all things in fertility, like heartbreak, joy, growth, loss and the wild, crazy journey that it is. Let's bring awareness, education and understanding to the table. You aren't alone. Together, we've got this. Hello everybody, and welcome to another episode of the Maybe Baby Diaries podcast. Today I'm super excited to have Meredith on with Pseumatic Motherhood. Meredith, thank you so much for being with me today.
Speaker 2:Oh, you're so welcome. I'm so excited. I love it.
Speaker 1:I'm really happy that you're here and that you were up for all the conversation that we're about to have, of course, of course. So tell me what your family building process looked like for you in the beginning.
Speaker 2:Sure. So newly married, of course, and then wanting to start a family, and I was able to get pregnant right away with my oldest daughter, who is now 21. Oh, my goodness I know I hate saying it out loud And everything was fine and had a beautiful pregnancy and birth, and just she was there nine months later And had the baby and was loving life. And then I was like, okay, she was two. I was like, oh, i think I want another kiddo And I couldn't get pregnant for a while. And then I did get pregnant and then I would miscarry, and about six to nine weeks is when I miscarried my first baby And then got pregnant right away again. And again, this one was at 12 weeks And so I was a little bit further along And then got pregnant again And miscarried again at nine weeks. So I had three miscarriages back to back.
Speaker 2:And because I had a healthy at this point, three year old, because that process was a year long, right, yeah, the doctors were like, well, we don't know, and I would ask questions and then they would talk me out of like genetic testing or like to see what was going on, because I had a healthy baby. So obviously you can get pregnant, but you just can't keep a pregnancy right now. And so that was the year long process of those miscarriages. And then I got pregnant with my second kiddo and the pregnancy stuck. I took, oh my goodness, unholy amounts of progesterone right to keep the pregnancy. I was throwing up for 21 weeks. That second trimester hit and it was like magic. I finally felt like a normal human. Grocery stores ew, i could not go into grocery stores and could not eat food.
Speaker 2:I prepared The whole story with like that, but the progesterone just being so high, and then when that placenta starts taking over, making the progesterone for the baby, it was just a magic moment. And so then I had my second daughter And again like she was healthy and fine and all the things, and I actually got pregnant right away with my third baby, and so doctors just were like, oh then, it's fine, it's over, right. And so I was like, okay, sure, you're like, what was that then? What was that? But after my third kiddo, i started experiencing miscarriages again, and so it was about three years after I had my third kiddo that I wanted to have another baby, and so I thought, well, i had two kiddos back to back, this should be fine. And nope, it wasn't. And so I had a miscarriage. Actually, i had my son, who was actually stillborn, and he was born at 20 weeks.
Speaker 1:Oh, my goodness.
Speaker 2:And so and again, it was like well, you have three healthy kiddos. This must just have been a fluke, or you know. Whatever There was no. Should we look into this or That?
Speaker 1:blows my mind that they weren't. I mean after like this second miscarriage. I feel like that's usually when they start you know, questioning and saying okay, what can we do on our end to help you keep this baby to term?
Speaker 2:Right, the only thing that was ever offered to me was progesterone, that's it.
Speaker 2:Which, yeah, which is super helpful and super beneficial if you have hormonal imbalances, which I do come to find out now. It was possibly misdiagnosed thyroid disease, right, because the thyroid is so important to have working for pregnancy and metabolism and things like that, you know, and the metabolism, the metabolization of your hormones and how they work and everything like that. Like, i am currently still on progesterone because I have low progesterone And so, um, but that was the only thing that was ever suggested to me And it was actually not even by my OVGYN.
Speaker 2:It was by a health food Like oh, my goodness you know, like I went into the health food store and I was like I just keep miscarrying and I really need to help. I need help And how do I balance my body? And she handed me a progesterone cream and that's what saved my second daughter's pregnancy And that's why I was so sick, because I was using so much.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And so, yeah, when my son was born, um, they just evaluated his body because I, you know, he, he was actually, uh, born in one piece, which is unusual for um stillborn at that stage. And I only say that he passed away at 17 weeks. So I wasn't able to go through the birth process for three weeks due to life circumstances and just stress in my body just would not go into labor naturally with him, which is common especially with how, when he passed away, and my body just didn't have the hormones to kick in, and so, yeah, i was a doula at that point.
Speaker 1:So for those that are listening, can you tell us kind of briefly, like what a doula is? So for those people that don't know.
Speaker 2:So a doula helps moms go through labor and delivery and through that process and assist with the pain and positions that are beneficial for labor and birth. We just don't catch babies. That's the doctor or the midwife's job. And I've been a doula for 14 years, maybe 15. 14 or 15. Right, that mapping is hard. Right now It's okay. So, yeah, and I teach women the safety of inductions and what medications are beneficial if you want an induction, which ones you should stay away from. Yeah, right, and when I was having my son, who was stillborn, i had to use a medication that I train and educate women not to use And my body just was rejected it because I was like this could be dangerous, right, mm-hmm. But I learned something very valuable through that whole experience that in the case of what I was going through, that medication is what you should use And as soon as like, because I tried to go into labor so many times for hours with him and my body just was like no.
Speaker 2:Like, first of all, the grief, Like we don't talk enough about the grief of the loss and how your body wants, like sometimes your body wants to hold on because it's your baby. Yeah, It's the love of your life at that moment. And you know, and I'll get emotional because it was just, it was such a beautiful experience And at the time, of course, I didn't see it that way, but I'm on the other side, right.
Speaker 1:And you can see the beauty through the trial.
Speaker 2:Yes, and I can see the beauty and the magic and just everything that that baby gave me, and his name is David. I encourage everyone to use their baby's name, no matter what gestation, of your loss, because I do bereavement work, which is the loss of pregnancy and miscarriage, and stillbirth. Stillbirth And David just gave me so much, so much, and he's going to be forever a part of me And everybody who has experienced loss. It's with you forever right.
Speaker 2:And so, yeah, when I was finally able to come to terms, right, that this is real, this is happening, i finally was able to. The medication finally worked And I had to go through labor and I had to go through, you know, birthing David and birthing the placenta and like the whole thing, And I am sitting there with that, going through all of that and going and I don't get to bring a baby home. Working through that with people that understood and knew. It was such a beautiful process because now I can sit with a woman and go. I know, and it's rough Because I don't want to say it's okay, yeah, it's not okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And unfortunately you're going to hear when you experience loss like that. You know you get comments all the time of like well, at least you have kids at home, mm-hmm, well, they're in a better place. You know these dumb comments. Then people mean well, right, right, like, i used to get so angry, like don't tell me that, mm-hmm, you know, and most of the time it's your family, i know, which is so strange.
Speaker 1:They just don't know how to like be. I think they want to help, but they don't know how Right. They don't know how?
Speaker 2:And they just they want you to be okay, Right, And the biggest thing I've learned through my own process of, you know, loss and building family and building my family and things like that Is like just let people not be, okay.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh yes.
Speaker 2:And if you can't sit and be uncomfortable with someone, don't Mm-hmm Right. Yeah, because I think as a society and as a culture, especially with women and how we've been programmed to just be happy and look like it's okay and pretend. I think it's such a refreshing thing to be like yeah, you don't have to be okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Be the mess And own that And just own it. And I hope we're changing that right. I hope so, i hope so, right.
Speaker 1:I really, really do.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and through my experience with David, i learned to be uncomfortable, and because I had such an amazing midwife at the time who was also okay with being uncomfortable, it was magic And that's what David gave me, you know. Yeah, And so yeah, that's not even my last miscarriage. I had one more after him, and then I was able to have two more children, and so I've had a total of four miscarriages one stillborn and then five children, and each one has given me so much. So, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:What do you feel like was the hardest part of being in the middle of recurrent pregnancy loss, especially when you didn't have an answer as to why it was happening. It just kept happening.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. The hardest part was just well, miscarriage is a form of infertility, right? So recurrent miscarriage, which is what I was having and experiencing, and the biggest thing was, well, you have a healthy baby, so you should be fine, and literally just feeling so broken because obviously I wasn't fine. Obviously my body was rejecting pregnancy. Reject, that's what it felt like, right, yes, oh well. And they kept saying, well, if there's anything wrong with the baby, then your body will just. Your body's so smart, it'll just. You know.
Speaker 1:Which is not comforting.
Speaker 2:No, Because I'm like, oh my God, well then, what's wrong with the baby Right? And like when David was born you know they just did a physical, like a visual check. He fit in the palm of my hand. Oh, tiny baby Yeah tiny baby And so funny because he had like he had no fat right, because he hadn't reached that stage of development.
Speaker 1:Yeah, just a little 17-weeker Yeah.
Speaker 2:And he had all of his bones and all of his toes and all of his little nose, and then he just had no fat on him.
Speaker 1:So he's just this cute little lanky tiny, tiny little baby.
Speaker 2:Yeah, tiny baby. And because I carried him for three weeks after he had passed, the only visual thing that was like wrong per se is he had a blood clot in his brain. But because he was three weeks postmortem, that's a normal occurrence, right? So they just passed that off as like well, that's normal, you know. And I'm like, but this isn't normal, right? Like I carried him to 17 weeks.
Speaker 1:Like you shouldn't be losing your baby.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:You shouldn't have lost all your babies?
Speaker 2:No, like that, yeah, and for them, like it was just brushed off, like it shouldn't be a big deal. It shouldn't be a big deal, right. And so, even with family and friends, right, it was like, well, at least you have your baby. Or, and then, when I had three, it was like, well, you have three kids, aren't you fine? Aren't you done? Shouldn't you be done? I mean, with that many miscarriages, meredith, are you just being selfish? Right, like, are you just being like, why do you need more? You have three? right? Well, in one of the driving forces was like, can my body do this? Right, like, can I do this? Is this, you know? but I was never checked for PCOS, which is the polycystic ovarian syndrome which can cause recurring miscarriages. A medication I had been using could. But you know, this is all post research on my own.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Like this is all me. There was no doctor that was like helping And even I had to have. I had to have a DNC with one of my miscarriages And the doctor like, because I was, I have to back up, Sorry.
Speaker 1:You're fine Okay.
Speaker 2:My first miscarriage, i had a midwife that was not proactive about doing an ultrasound to making sure cause I passed everything on my own, which is you can't right As long as they check and make sure that your cervix is closing your HCG levels, which is that pregnancy hormone is coming down and the bleeding should stop within, you know, two to three weeks depending on your gestational period, and she was not proactive. She did not do an ultrasound to make sure that there was no retention of tissue, which can happen in miscarriages, and I had a major. I pretty sure the placenta had retained.
Speaker 1:Oh no.
Speaker 2:And I was calling every week because the bleeding would not slow down or stop. She said I should be fine, you should be fine, and she you're fine. And I bled for eight weeks like profusely.
Speaker 1:Okay, and how far along were you when?
Speaker 2:you lost. This was my six to eight week loss.
Speaker 1:That was a really long time, for a really long time, yeah, or bleeding, yeah.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, It should not have been like that. And again I was calling and she's like I don't know what's going on. You should be fine, Let me know. And I was using tampons which you should not be using. And I went in and finally, again, someone at a health food store helped me out because the doctors were like, well, you should be okay. And so because I had a uterine infection with that first loss, Oh, my goodness.
Speaker 2:And so my next loss. I did not want any part of that. I did not want to bleed. I was like just to the DNC And that's where they go in and scrape everything and clean your uterus out. And the third miscarriage I had a doctor. My doctor was not there And the on-call doctor didn't know my history and told me to wait through the weekend, and so we've had some family members that have had that happen too, and I just don't under, i don't, i don't understand.
Speaker 2:Right, oh man, i know, and um Um, yeah, it was just to have recurring loss like that. And you know, not have the availability of your own doctor is really frustrating, because the on-call doctor, of course, doesn't know your history, doesn't know what you've gone through, doesn't know what you've suffered with, and you know it's really frustrating. And then women are not heard. Right, we're just not heard and we should be just fine and it's just a miscarriage.
Speaker 2:That was the other, the other one that I would hear a lot Oh, it's just a miscarriage, it wasn't a baby. That was the other one, it wasn't even a baby. I'm like do you know development? And I mean of course everybody's belief systems are different, but for me that was extremely dismissive.
Speaker 1:And that was your baby.
Speaker 2:And that was my baby. You know And I work with women that I am encouraging them to acknowledge that it is baby and name your baby and have something in your home that represents your baby because, like I said earlier, they never go away Your memory of them you have. Every pregnancy is very different with each one of my children. I knew their personalities and David, my son, i knew him. He and I were like inseparable and just like every other one of my children that I am. That I have inseparable And within his birth and his pregnancy story is just amazing because I felt when I got pregnant with him and it was really cool I was camping and all of a sudden I was setting up a tent of all things and I stood up straight and I was like I'm pregnant and I never took a pregnancy test, not once with him.
Speaker 1:I just knew, yeah, what a really cool gift that you were given to be able to experience that with that sweet baby.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he was intense, for sure, but yeah, yeah, so the hardest part was just being dismissed. I think over and over and over again. And then like asking questions, and then like, should I take genetic testing, should I see what is happening? And then like they would give the suggestion and then talk me out of it because it was like, well, we could, but you have healthy children, your body can have a baby, right.
Speaker 1:And so it was like, well, yeah, here's some options, but it's crazy how much you had to be your own advocate throughout your process because, yeah, you should be able to have children, but you weren't and this shouldn't be happening. But it was And, yes, you do have. You did at the time have one beautiful, perfect, healthy baby, but you're not anymore and it's like I'm so sorry that you were so dismissed. That is so hard.
Speaker 2:Thank you, yeah, and yeah, it's just a weird place to be like, where, at the time, you know, nobody was really acknowledging that miscarriage is a recurrent, you know, especially recurring as a form of infertility that you need to like.
Speaker 1:Nobody was talking about it and everybody was just like well, we'll see you know, Or not acknowledging that they were having them, or just it was very like Yeah, hush, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, hush, hush and it's not a big deal. Yeah, not a big deal And it is a huge deal. Well, especially if you want, you know, children yeah, right, like, especially if you, you know, want to build a family and things like that. And every like I said I was just thrown progesterone, you know, and it wasn't even by a doctor. That's crazy.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So what do you feel like throughout this whole? I mean, you had like the whole year long process of trying and trying and trying for a baby and then you lost your sweet baby when he was 17 weeks and then you had another miscarriage What, That's a lot. That is a lot of heartache on one person. What do you feel like kept you going? What do you feel like give you hope? throughout the whole experience, It's like yeah, it's a lot.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it is a lot. You know, i am a very resilient person and I'm very resourceful And I thank God every day that I have that within me, because I know there's a lot of people that don't, and that's one of the reasons why it became. You know, infertility and bereavement do the work. That's why I started it, because, even though I could walk alone yeah, i didn't want to, right, and I love that part where that's saying and I'll probably massacre it, but it's like I, yeah, i'm, i'm strong, not because I wanted to be what I had to be, and just because I am doesn't mean that I don't need or want support, right, and I just know women, especially in pregnancy and birth, should ever be alone.
Speaker 2:You know, like that's our most vulnerable open time to everything around us, right, all of the energy that we encounter, all of the people, all of the things people say, all of the things people do. It hits really hard and and you know, and it affects us and it affects our babies, right, and so, thinking of me being that, with the isolation and the, you know, the dismissiveness and the, it's not a big deal. And why are you so upset? You know I hid, you know, like okay, fine, and it makes you, it makes us as women hard and where we're just and we don't reach out for help, right. And so I decided that no, that's not okay. And I just became my crusade of like you're not okay And that's okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And you don't need to do it alone And you don't need to, you know, worry that I'm going to judge you about you crying when you miscarried, even if it was four weeks, right, no matter what stage, we feel a connection, and especially if it's a wanted, you know a wanted baby right And I started my bereavement work even before my training in Arizona, where I was living, and I trained as a doula when one of I ran support circles for pregnancy And of course loss is part of pregnancy And I had one of the women that came regularly experience a loss And we, all you know, came together and we honored her pregnancy, we honored her baby.
Speaker 2:I still remember the baby's name And that was my first full experience in helping someone go through that loss And it just it just changed me, especially when we break down those walls of what society tells us we should do. Right, yeah, just get back and go. Yeah, and I was like no, you still go through postpartum, you know, that's another thing. You still go through postpartum. When you have a loss, your hormones have to come back in balance And so I mean I am also a survivor of postpartum mental illness, and to go through postpartum where you don't even have a cute little baby to hug and love is rough.
Speaker 1:Hey girl.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So you've mentioned like your bereavement, do the work, and kind of like your birth, do the work. Tell me about your infertility, do the work. I'm really excited to talk about this.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so with I do a lot of the loss infertility work. That's where a lot of because it's so untouched, yes, but I've worked with several women who are experiencing infertility, where they just they can't get pregnant for a variety of reasons, and it's really a hard process because it is grief as well. You're grieving your ability or your body's ability, and feeling all of those feelings of like the same thing. Why, what's wrong with my body?
Speaker 2:It must be broken. I'm broken, you know, and of course, with infertility and trying to get pregnant with in vitro, oh my gosh, you know the stress, the stress of that. Yeah, right, yeah, and I'm talking preaching to the choir. You're starting your journey, right?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And the shots and you know the cycles.
Speaker 1:Oh girl, before you leave today, i will have to show you in my fridge all of my shots that are just ready for us to start.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and the timing. Oh my gosh, yeah, like I have to get this right.
Speaker 1:Your life isn't your own. No, when you're going through it.
Speaker 2:No, not at all, not at all, and like, oh, i hope I do this right, right, and the feeling of failing and the crushing, like heaviness of like this all depends on if I do this right, Right, and that needs support, and that needs acknowledgement, and that needs care and that needs love, because you know, like it's a whole other level of work.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And it's a job, and you're like and I didn't want this job, nope, right, like how did I get here, you know? and then feeling all of those feelings and being like you're going to get mad, you're going to feel anger, you're going to feel sadness, deep, deep sadness, and being walking with someone that's going through all of those emotions. You better be okay with being uncomfortable, right, and when you mess up, right, like I've said stupid things because we're human, right, being okay with being wrong And I think that's a real big part of it and going you know what, oops, I'm sorry, and because I've experienced infertility in a very different way, right, and I never, ever say I know what you're going through, because everybody's journey and everybody's way of feeling is so different.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And being like I totally don't know what you're going through, but I'm here with you. I'm here Right, Like, instead of like. I love Renee Brown's little skit about grief Right.
Speaker 1:Do you want a?
Speaker 2:sandwich, right? No, get in the hole, you know, get in the hole with them and go. Yeah, i've been in a hole before My own hole, right, and it's okay, i'm going to sit with you and then we'll figure it out together. Yeah, right, and basically, with I worked with a couple of women that were going through the infertility process with using IVF, and it was just, i just need like support, i just need you to know that this is hard, yeah, and also like understanding that you know, like the possibility of multiple babies, you know, which is super exciting, but that's also another level of like acceptance of like this is this could be, this is this could be what I do, this could, this could happen.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:And it's so, and and also the guilt with like, oh my gosh, And what if postpartum hits afterwards and I don't want to hold my baby? How dare I feel that way when I had to do all of these things to get this baby here?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And it's like oh, sweetie, yeah, like you might feel that, and I'm not I'm not going to judge you, because no matter how we get a baby here doesn't negate the fact that our hormones are going to do what they're going to do. Yes, they are Right, and we're going to feel certain things that don't make sense and that we don't like, and it's all. It's all very common.
Speaker 1:I love that. I love that. So, because you do a lot of do the work, what would you recommend for somebody maybe that's listening, that maybe knows somebody that's going through recurrent pregnancy loss or somebody that is going through and?
Speaker 2:do, or try to keep judgmental comments or your belief systems right, cause everybody's belief systems are a little bit different. Yeah, and just be okay with sitting with someone right. Like, let them cry, let them cry, tell them it's okay, that it's not okay, right And just be.
Speaker 1:I love that. Oh my goodness, I love that. What would you recommend for somebody that is going through recurrent pregnancy loss?
Speaker 2:and then fertility.
Speaker 1:What would you, as a doula, as somebody who's been there and understands, like what would you recommend for them to be able to just cope, at the very least, just to be able to cope?
Speaker 2:Let people help.
Speaker 1:I love that. Let people help. It's so simple.
Speaker 2:But yeah, let people help And also like, reach out to the people that will actually support you, not to people who you know are not going to support you And the reason why I say that is most of the time it's family that is the least supportive you know sometimes. So reach out to the people that will get it, that are gonna be like yeah, i'm here, i'm gonna be, i'm gonna show up, i'm gonna do whatever you want, what you need, and also make a plan if you can. And if you can't, make a plan like what I mean by that is like, especially with recurrent pregnancy loss or things like that, you need to rest, you need to heal. You know you've gone through the birth process without birthing right, and so don't vacuum. Have somebody come and help you with that. Try to rest and then eat healthy. You know The same things you would do with a full term. Pregnancy is kind of your postpartum time with loss. You need to do that.
Speaker 1:Just take care of yourself.
Speaker 2:Just take care of yourself. And then with the infertility, of course, the grieving process is real and it's gonna happen, just like with recurring miscarriage, that grieving process allow yourself to grieve. My favorite person about grief and death is Dr Allen Wolfelt. He runs the Center for Grieving and Loss in Colorado. I took a class from him. He is absolutely amazing about acknowledging not just their life but also their death And the real healing that happens when we acknowledge death in our society. Right, And he changed my life about that. I was terrified of death.
Speaker 1:And.
Speaker 2:I took his class and it just changed my whole perspective on how, as a society, we're kind of like trying to brush it under the rug, when we really should pull it out and look at it and acknowledge it and be being willing to talk about it. So talking about it is really huge for those that are experiencing recurring loss and also who are experiencing infertility. because we've gotta talk about it, we've gotta make it an okay thing to talk about because it's real and it happens and it's part of our reality, especially for those that are experiencing it.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:If we feel like we have to hide it. It just breeds that shame and that. What's wrong with me?
Speaker 1:And sometimes there's nothing wrong with you.
Speaker 2:Sometimes there's nothing wrong with you.
Speaker 1:I mean sometimes, unfortunately, it just happens, and that doesn't even mean that you're broken and that you're not worthy of that baby.
Speaker 2:Or worthy to have another baby.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, I understand that one.
Speaker 2:Yes, even though you have two kids, or you have four kids. whatever it doesn't matter. It matters to the person who wants to build their family. Yes, And that's okay.
Speaker 1:And loss is still loss. And loss still, and grief is still grief, and it's all valid.
Speaker 2:And it's all valid. Yeah, And it's okay that you wanna talk about it. I'm not. you know, we're not here to make everybody comfortable.
Speaker 1:Exactly. But there's this beauty that happens when you do let yourself be uncomfortable And when you really let yourself sit with people that are in that grief you can find. so just life changes a little bit when you allow yourself to get vulnerable with somebody else.
Speaker 2:Absolutely.
Speaker 1:Whether that be sharing your journey or whether that be sitting with somebody in that intense, heavy grief you know, one of our goals of this podcast was seriously to like talk about all of the aspects of infertility, and I think sometimes we forget that infertility isn't just a couple trying to get pregnant for a year and they can't get pregnant And then they have an infertility diagnosis. There's so many other ways And just because, like, your journey is different, it doesn't mean that you're still not worthy of that support and that love.
Speaker 2:Exactly.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I love what you said about sharing your journey, because I feel like there is so much strength when we share and when we are willing to get vulnerable. I'd like love. I've loved everything that you've said so far. Thank, you?
Speaker 2:Yeah, Yeah, I think it's like I said. It's just really important that we just start acknowledging it, start talking about it. Yeah, And one of the books that I read about loss is Birth, Breath and Death.
Speaker 1:That's a heavy title, i know Oh.
Speaker 2:It's a wonderful book and the training is wonderful too. So, yeah, one of the things about infertility and the process of getting pregnant, the stress, right, yeah.
Speaker 2:We need to just like we need to. Really stress is so hard on the body. Right, and then you're going through this really hard process, and so one of the things that I really want to encourage those that are going through the infertility process is do whatever it takes right To keep the stress low, especially the stress that we're putting on ourselves. Right, because giving yourself shots, making sure the timing is right and checking, and all the process that you had to get to the point of just getting the shots, is rough.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah.
Speaker 2:Right, we've already had a year behind us, or three years or five years or whatever time it took you to get to this point. So much stress And a woman in that state it's really. it's already hard on your body. So, surround yourself with people who love you, surround yourself with things that you love and get connected to the body. right, and do your best to rest, because that's where magic happens in the rest phase of life. right, that's rest and digest. That's where things happen.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And that's where healing takes place And that's where the magic right. And that's really hard to achieve when we're going through such a stressful process on the body because we're, you know, you're putting your body into a state where pregnancy can happen.
Speaker 2:that isn't the way that it is normally, and so finding that, getting all of that oxytocin get it flowing you know, buy yourself flowers, eat the chocolate you're, you know, and a lot of the time the weight gain is really hard for a woman because, man, you're gonna gain some weight, usually with infertility drugs and all of that, and that's really hard. Be gentle, it's gonna be okay. And yeah, just surround yourself with what you love and the people that love you and only reach out to those that really are gonna be okay and not offer, you know, junk advice, which is hard for people. I know They mean well.
Speaker 2:They mean well Oh gosh, I can't tell you how many times I'm biting my tongue when somebody opens their mouth and I'm like did you think that through? You probably didn't.
Speaker 1:Sorry, I thought process happening there. Not at all. Oh my gosh Please don't say that.
Speaker 2:Yeah yeah, i've had. Yeah, and it's hard because I have training right Things to say Yeah, things not to say right And then I have to remind myself that not everybody has that And just aw.
Speaker 1:Bless your heart. So much love though.
Speaker 2:So much love, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, meredith, where can people connect with you? Where can people find you? I feel like you just offer so much beauty to the world and I am sure that there's somebody I'm just sure that there's somebody out there who's gonna need you.
Speaker 2:Where can?
Speaker 1:people find you.
Speaker 2:So my website is somaticmotherhoodcom. It has all of my information. I'm also on Facebook Meredith Frazier and Somatic Motherhood on Facebook. And yeah, word of mouth. You know I am one of the few that I'm always on call. Yes, especially because I'm working with women who are in, just you know, not great spaces And my phone is always on. So Awesome.
Speaker 1:Thank you so, so much for being with me today. You're welcome. I think this has been great and I am really looking forward to getting this out and having people hear this conversation. I think it's an important one.
Speaker 2:I think so too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, thank you so much, though, for everything that you shared. You've been phenomenal.
Speaker 2:Aw, thank you.
Speaker 1:You're welcome.
Speaker 2:I loved it, thank you.
Speaker 1:All right, guys. Thank you so much for listening and tuning in and listening to all of Meredith's amazing and just everything about her is so amazing. I just adore her. Now I'm blushing. We'll see you, guys, in the next episode. Bye.